RAANI — SACRED by Braahman

I have just given my first SACRED workshop, and I cannot believe what a miracle my life has become, who I am today and how I got here. I have been with Braahman 11 years, and it is so hard to even try and imagine that woman who I was before I met Braahman, or what my life could have been had I not met him. The transformation I have experienced in Braahman's guidance has been so complete and life-changing, I am wondering how to summarize it in a short biography, such as this. It feels very fitting though to write a new bio now, as I am at yet another monumental turn in my life. Namely I feel how Spirit is lifting me up to another level and starting to use me in a new capacity; as a teacher and a guide, giving my own workshops, teaching the work that Braahman taught me, and what I have been practicing on myself and others for the last 11 years.

When I first came to Braahman I had no desires or ideas about becoming a ”healer” or ”workshop leader” or anything else like that. All I wanted, and knew I needed, was my own transformation. So it is also a great surprise that I find myself in this position now, and yet it feels absolutely right. Like so many times over the years with Braahman, I am yet again having to shift and change the idea I had of myself.

I have gone through this countless of times by now... I mean having to drop all ideas of who I thought I was or what I thought I could do. Still every time it is amazing to me how existence keeps surprising me, and how much grander the plans for me seem to be than I could have ever dreamed of.

Maybe the biggest thing in this for me is how happy I am being part of this new unfolding of events, being used for this new purpose. Looking back to the girl I was before, who could hardly open her mouth in a crowd without freezing up and going into huge anxiety. To compare to now to the woman I am and the security I feel, in myself, in life and in the Universe is quite stunning. This is also reflected in the ease I experienced giving my first workshop, and how much I loved running it; particularly as it gave me such freedom to be myself. It really shows the huge transformation I have gone through. This summer I am to perform a group healing for a festival crowd of about 100 people, and even that doesn't faze me. Who is this woman really? I feel self-conscious writing so much about this, as I wouldn't want this to sound like boasting, but it is simply that I am so amazed by what Existence has made of me, and how I was turned into this amazing woman, which I couldn't recognize from who I was before. So it is more that I am in awe observing the handy-work of God, and who better to understand the depth of it than me who has watched this happen piece by piece.

I feel so utterly blessed, like I have been gifted the greatest gifts that God could bestow on anyone. Every moment while I was giving the workshop, I felt so much love and gratitude that I can do it. I am not only allowed to do it, but I am supported so much in doing it. I did the workshop, but I felt it is Braahman's or God's workshop really, and I am just stepping into that ready mold which I was given, and there really wasn't much for me to do at all. I feel so deeply grateful for Braahman for opening this avenue for me, for it was him who encouraged me to do this. And this is only just talking about the workshop, but really it includes every step along the way that lead into it. It is simply the culmination of everything in this moment. The highest peak so far on the journey. It is also such a step into unknown for me, a new mystery with the wonder of seeing Spirit use me and work through me.

So perhaps I should backtrack a bit. Who was I before starting my journey with Braahman... Well at the time just before meeting Braahman I was very focused on the yoga and tantra path. I was desperately trying to find change in my life and a connection to something higher and more meaningful. And desperate it was, as I felt like I had reached the ceiling of how high I could go with that. I craved for something much deeper. Something more tangible; a real change and dropping of the illusion I knew the world to be, and that is when Braahman appeared in the yoga community I was living in. When I first joined Braahman and his other students the yearning for spiritual advancement was so intense inside of me; I was burning with it. That also kept me on the path despite the endless challenges of facing my ego; namely all of that which I had wanted to hide from myself and had been so successful for so long in doing so. In the beginning I had two lifelines to hold onto when things got tough. I kept remembering my strong guidance that I had received when I met Braahman, that he is my teacher, as well as continuously reminding myself of a sentence received through guidance from our guru, Sathya Sai Baba: ”I am in the right place at the right time, and that's all I need to know.”

I have come to think that if you find the spiritual path at all predictable or anything that you could have thought that it would be then perhaps you are not yet very deep on your path yet. For me at least that has been true. I could have never guessed what it means to be on the spiritual path, and how many challenges I would have to face. You hear about joy and peace, and yes that is where it eventually takes you, giving you glimpses of it along the way, but the undressing of all my walls and defenses, unlearning everything I had learned and held important, and dropping all my ideas and images of myself, and what is revealed underneath all of it I could have never imagined.

The wounded, insecure little girl that I was, the sharp-tongued fighter rebelling against anything and everything, the aloof woman that hardly let any feelings touch her, all of that is gone, with only the occasional hint of those aspects. What remains is a woman who knows herself, a woman I can love and respect, a woman who still now keeps surprising me; and of course, the joy, the love and the peace.

I am so content and grateful for everything I have experienced with Braahman and the huge transformation I have gone through. Today I was driving in my car feeling into myself, and thinking how amazingly centered, grounded and with myself I felt. Thinking I could have never imagined to be where I am, who I am and how I feel about myself and my life at the age of 44. It is all just surpassing the wishes or hopes or ideas that I had for my life and my highest potential.

I have nothing, but praise to speak of being with a teacher. Frankly I don't know how anyone navigates the spiritual path and goes through all the massive transformation without the support of a teacher. Braahman has been so hands on and influential every step of the way. Influential in the way that he directly guided so much of my transformation, the releasing work with myself, as well as just setting such an unwavering example of working with oneself and who he is through his being. The way Braahman works with himself so tirelessly, facing every pattern and belief, releasing everything that is not truly him, is in itself inspiring. I never saw him running away from any aspect of himself that came up, but facing it all head on. Any feedback reflected to him, he listened, considered and worked on. He has always been completely transparent and honest about what is going on with him, never trying to hide behind a teacher role. Through that he set such an example of always prioritizing working with oneself, that even when I would have rather felt like bypassing some yet unseen pattern of mine, I felt I had no choice, but to consider it and work on it. This is only one aspect though in which I felt inspired by Braahman's example. Of everybody I have met in my life, Braahman has demonstrated the most honesty, transparency and integrity, being so true to himself in every moment. Never caring what anyone thought of him, as long as he was following his own truth and guidance. We all do it at times; wanting others to like us, or trying to avoid confrontation, or acting more confident than we are and so on. I never saw anything like that from Braahman. This absolute autheticity of Braahman inspired me tremendously. I knew it was a the kind of person I myself would like to be. So authentic, clear and secure in myself that I could always speak my truth, and not worry about consequences, or other people's reactions. Simply doing and saying what felt right for me. As well as always seeing deeper than just the surface. Not just speaking apparent truth, but speaking out even uncomfortable truths, the underlying feelings, which are often evident, yet nobody wants to name them. There is really so much I could say about this and what I admire in Braahman. I feel this is so important in choosing the right teacher for oneself. He/she should be someone you can look up to, admire as who they are as a person. Someone who inspires through their being. Someone who can be an example of what a person can be in their full potential, and what you aspire to be. Apart from that there must of course be love. I really don't know how my soul orchestrated that I found Braahman. I hear many stories of disappointments people have had with teachers, and I feel so blessed that my soul was so wise as to recognize Braahman, and I did not have to go through false teachers, disillusionments and disappointments. Not every teacher is right for everyone of course, even if they are a legitimate teacher, but my soul chose wisely for me. I did not have to make detours and go through a long search. It feels for me as though Braahman and I were meant to be brought together. I am also the longest standing student of Braahman, and I feel honored to say that as he is the most important person in my life, as I am also the most important person in his life. By now we have a relationship where we both help each other equally. Reflecting back the truth to each other and pointing out each others patterns. There is such deep love and trust between us. The result of knowing each other for a decade, having seen each others worst and the best. What I feel kept us together and allowed the love and the trust to grow, is that we both always held the truth was our most important goal. We did not try to smooth out disagreements, but always tried to see what is the truth, the underlying energy that is stuck or off between us. Sharing this goal and that attitude also convinced both of us of each others integrity and humility to truth. As it feels very personal, I do not know how much to share of my love for Braahman, but I can say that he is the person who knows me the best and loves me the most, and I am the person who knows him the best and I love and honor him with my whole heart. Truly the most special person in my life, who I could not imagine life without, even though our bodies live thousands of miles apart on this earth.