Self realization by itself is not a big thing. Self realization is like the space of God inside of you opens. Tiny little bit, and then that energy of God inside flows into your aura, it expands and it’s there. And one of my students said very beautiful, and I think she put it in right words: “what was before underlying a sense misery always, or some depression, or “Oh, it won’t work, and life is not really good, there’s always some misery”. That changes into: “everything will be easy, ah, everything will work out in the right way.” Suddenly with this self realization, that sense comes. The sense of negativity goes away, and a sense of “ah, it’s a challenge, I will do it, it’s Ok, it’s there”, and you’re not engaged in it anymore.
This makes this little tiny opening, which is the love of God inside flowing, penetrating all of your actions. This is an amazing gift, and you can only see it later, like: “where is the constant negativity?” It’s gone. And then that energy, that realization, Self realization, “I am God”, takes more and more your negativity from the inside out, comes from here and it says… Your conscious, it becomes stronger and stronger, and takes away more and more your negative actions, your negative thinking, you become aware of it.
It’s like a flood light, and this is the negative part, of course it’s not negative, its good, but it floods, brings a very strong beam of light on each of your actions, on your negative actions. Before you could hide them, “ah everybody does that, yeah, this person needs help but I don’t go there”. And suddenly the light is there: “why don’t you do this? He’s a fellow brother, you help”.
And this is the part where self realization doesn’t allow you to escape. It’s God inside wants you to recognize that everybody is God. That God which is inside of me is inside of you. And that part wants to relate to that other “person”, there is no other person, but personality, mask, saying, “ok, let’s relate, let’s play together.” And the lowest beggar and the highest king, all the same, all the same God inside.
This is something that happens when self realization is happening inside of you. It goes from the greedy-nitty little ego, “I make life by self, wa wa waw….” Into the self realization: “I am God, I serve, I give, I receive.” And it makes us what I call, into a human being.
Sometimes it’s stronger there, when we are in peace. When we have patterning, big shit, overshadowing it, we are not aware of this. We all have this. At the beginning of last year we worked in Berlin in this so called Congress of Enlightment people, of enlightened teachers is Germany. And even with enlightment, it was a theme at the time, you still have your shit boiling, you still have your patterning. It does not mean that with enlightment that everything is gone.
Even in enlightment, you’re not identified with your patterning, but if you don’t put attention into it, and work with it, it overshadows your enlightment. It is Jesus on the cross, when he said to God, “please forgive these people they don’t know what they do.” In that moment he identified with them, and then suddenly he was screaming: “God, God, why did you leave me?” Because he identified with others he lost his peace inside, he lost his Christ Consciousness. It’s very interesting that how it’s related to us, because even our service to others is not as important as staying in peace and being connected with our consciousness.